Why Living in the Moment Is So Hard, and What It's Missing

I was reading philosophy this morning, and I found myself back inside one of the oldest debates there is. Should we live more in the present, or keep reaching for the future? One side tells us to stop chasing, to be here now, to want less. The other tells us we were made to grow, to build, to become.

I believe both are right. But only when we're first grounded in what truly matters to us, and when we can tell the difference between what's real and what we're chasing for external gratification.

When I look at how a fulfilling life actually works, I see three layers: the moment, the day, and the future. And I think most of the confusion comes from believing we have to pick one.

Let's start with the day, because I think it's the most misunderstood. The day is about how we actually experience our lives. It's whether our actions line up with what matters most to us, and whether, on a regular basis, we feel more positive than negative. And positive doesn't just mean happy. It means feeling interest and curiosity, learning something, being treated with respect.

But the deeper question is whether our days are aligned with the future we want. The job we go in and out of every day. The relationships we come home to. Do they reflect the life we're building toward, or pull against it? A day can be hard and still be a good day, if it's moving us toward something that's truly ours.

Underneath the day is the moment itself. This is where mindfulness lives, in being grounded enough to truly enjoy dinner with the people you love, or to stand still for a sunset. You can have a beautifully designed day and still miss every moment in it.

And then there's the future, which is where the real debate is.

Human beings have always been wired to want to reach their full potential, to live a life that's true to who they are. And when we look honestly at our authentic desires, they're wildly different. Some of us dream of being a firefighter. Others dream of being an author, or famous, or a mother or a father, or a farmer. I think that's what makes us human... to have those dreams.

What matters is whether they're authentic. It's different to say I want to be famous because it will fill an insecurity I've carried since I was a child, or I want to be a doctor because it's what my parents wanted. When we pursue dreams that come from who we really are, something remarkable happens. The future stops pulling us away from the present and starts making the present more profound.

If I'm in work that's directly connected to my purpose, every ordinary day becomes part of something bigger. I'm working toward being the best in my field, or changing the world in some way, or one day being that author or that CEO. I'm living inside of that future every day, and that does something powerful to our sense of optimism and hope.

The future stops pulling us away from the present and starts making the present more profound.

For me, the future has always been my strongest layer. I've always been driven by it and clear about my vision, and when I was young I was relentless about figuring out my passion. Doing work that isn't aligned with it is viscerally against who I am. Because I feel so connected to my purpose, every day feels connected to it too. I don't have to look for motivation outside of myself... I feel pulled toward something rather than pushed. But I'll be honest, it took a lot of inner work to get there. And my children feel that. It gives me a power and confidence they can sense, and I want them to grow up knowing they can be fully themselves and pursue what gives them a deep sense of meaning and purpose, not just what they're passionate about.

The research reflects this. When Gallup measures whether people are thriving, it uses a ladder from 0 to 10, based on the Cantril Self-Anchoring Striving Scale, and asks two questions: where do you stand today, and where do you think you'll stand five years from now? To be considered thriving, you need to rate your life today at 7 or higher and your future at 8 or higher. How we feel about where we're going is part of how well we're living now.

There's something I think gets missed in all the advice to live in the moment. Being present gets so much easier when the other two layers are in place. When you know what's important to you, when you know where you're headed, when you feel you're living authentically and building a life you're excited about... the moment opens up.

And it's so much harder to be present when you're carrying inner turmoil. When you're worried about paying your bills, or upset about something at work that doesn't feel aligned, or in a relationship you know isn't right for you. That's why so many people roll their eyes when they're told to just live in the moment. It's very hard to do when you have real worries and fears, or when your integrity with yourself is out. Some of those worries come from real circumstances, not a lack of inner work, and no amount of mindfulness pays the rent. That's exactly why how we design our workplaces and our societies matters so much.

So where do we begin? I truly believe it starts with the inner work. Who are we? What makes us unique? What would make a life truly worth living, for each of us? What would we need to pursue so that on our deathbed we'd know we lived a life true to ourselves?

It's very hard to live in the moment when you have real worries and fears, or when your integrity with yourself is out.

When we know those things, we can align our aspirations to them. Then we can ask what kind of work to go after, and how to shape our family life so that our days reflect what we're building toward. And then we come back to the moment, and practice mindfulness and meditation so that we aren't just caught up in daily accomplishments, and can truly enjoy that dinner with our children, or that sunset.

There's a real danger in living too much in the future, always chasing, while everything else is sacrificed along the way. The present-moment philosophers are right to warn us about that. But I don't think the answer is to stop dreaming. I think the answer is to hold all three in balance: to be excited about the future and feel ourselves moving toward it, to be content with where we are right now even if we aren't yet as wealthy or accomplished as we want to be, and to be present enough to feel the deeper satisfaction that lives moment to moment. That balance is the sweet spot, as long as all of it is authentically aligned with who we are.

I've spent my career believing that what we measure is what we value. Most of our measures of success only look at what we've achieved. Imagine if we measured, and designed our lives around, all three: whether we're present, whether our days are aligned with who we're becoming, and whether we're living into a future that is truly ours. That would be a very different definition of a successful life... and I think it's the one we've been looking for.

Danielle Posa